Do you think yourself gay? Or just fakin gay? Gay, is something that i find amusing, deliberately. Interesting, in other words. For me, who lived in a country which dont believe in such things called same-sex relationship, or gay-ish. Bein gay is a lil bit difficult, or rather i say i would end up myself being mockd stocks. Lucky, if i find myself still alive if not bein abused for bein a victim of homophobia. Gay, is a word that most people try to avoid, eventough they havin experienced for bein one of gay-ish thing. Gay is a kinda hell one-way ticket ride for bein alienated by society. Bein cursed by everykind of life aspects, such as civil law, or even religions dogma. Because bein gay is something unusual or rather i say weird, to find for most people. I dont know, i dont think i have myself weird. i just tryin to live usually bein myself. Follow what my heart says, and never think that i would like to harm anybody for bein myself.
Tough in reality, most gay people in my country, they are actin "straight". Wearin "straight" clothes, talk like "straight" people, walk like "straight" people, and havin girlfriend, just like "straight" people. Just for the sake bein called "normal" status. They dont wanna give up all the priviliges they have for bein "normal", or maybe just dont ready, yet. Or maybe they just like me, who dont know what am i supposed to do? Just to find someone to talk to about gay-ish things too is SO difficult, especialy when the early years when i found out that i am gay. It is difficult to differ gay people from the rest, because they actin just the same. But, exception for the sissy sisters. Findin gays or people with same ticket to Oz in daily real life is quite tricky bussiness.
Thats why, all these few years i just kept myself shut. Spending just discreetly payin attention for guys who walkin around my ways. Also discreetly flirt them, with shady intention of love. Keep for the note, i've experienced many countless misaffection bein fallin in love with straight guys. I just kept hittin with guys who round my ways, and no doubtly fallin for him. But then again, aint no kinda type who like to hang out. Spending time in a crowd, is like went down to Waterloo to save Napoleon's bum. No matter how determined my friends try to drag me out to hang out, i just simply just like to hang-out myself, alone. I keep myself on tracks just by browsin or get socialized on the web.
Now, i still believe in it. In reality, i just keep myself single, keep showin shallow flirt with some guys who around my ways. Hopin that he also havin same ticket with me to go to Oz, lol. And here also in front of you, who read my gay-ish blog. I never knew which one will lead me to find my The One. But, i just keep the faith, and follow my heart, that i'm sure someday i will find you, my The One.